CELEBRITY LOVE: Turkeys in the Cellar
by Mike Ogle
A week has gone by and the turkey comas have finally subsided. So that means it’s time to check in on the FantasyMoguls.com Celeb League. Of course, that whole turkey coma thing only applies to us civilian slobs. Those celebs, well, they have to watch their figures and all. Boy, those fancy, skinny celebs, they sure do make us sick. Anyhow, we digress.
Back on topic: Speaking of sick, this week we're taking a look at the ailing studios belonging to glamor boys Brandon Funston (from Yahoo! Sports) and Will Leitch (of Deadspin.com). Paparrazi, behave.
The holiday movie season is officially in full swing, yet the Deadspin and Yahoo! Media Group studios are scooping up reindeer doo in the cellar. What gives?
"Fast Food Nation was a stupid pick from the get-go," said Leitch, taking a time out from his delightfully snarky sports blog posts to mock himself. "I'm a bit of a Richard Linklater junkie, but that movie is horrible. But I can be forgiven for For Your Consideration. I didn't anticipate it being the worst of Christopher Guest's movies. I'm still holding out hope for Night At The Museum, which is a terrible thing to ever be holding out hope for."
By our calculations, approximately 37 more people choked to death on french fries last week than saw Fast Food Nation -- the weekend's 28th-highest grossing movie (it has yet to top $1 million in ticket sales). After two weeks in theaters for both movies, it looks like Will overestimated America's hatred of McDonald's and love of mockumentaries. Or perhaps Will flipped burgers as a teen before finding his sports writing jones and still holds a grudge. Who knows?
Brandon questioned Will's whole strategy for the holiday movie season. "I gotta wonder why Deadspin opted to ignore the kid vote," he said. "Night at the Museum will bring in some youthful crowds, but it alone is not enough."
Fantasy sports expert Brandon isn't worried about himself nearly as much, despite having just one movie out, Bobby, which isn't keeping ticket-tearers nearly as busy as his older brother JFK did. Still, Bobby jumped from 41st to 9th at the box office in its second week, and Brandon still has a whole season of potential left on the Yahoo! Media Group slate.
"With only my leadoff hitter having already stepped to the plate," Brandon said, "I have little worries about being last at this point. I was hoping that America's fascination with our first family, the Kennedys, would translate into solid box office returns, but I can live with how it's trending. I have high hopes for We Are Marshall, as sentimentality reaches its peak during the holidays. And I'm counting on the Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings crowd to carry Eragon. But obviously I'm banking most on my clean-up hitter, Dakota Fanning, to take Charlotte's Web planet-wide."
Before we worry about the whole planet, let's take a gander at the rest of the Celeb League:
It's no shocker that Nathan Rabin of The Onion A.V. Club and our own FantasyMoguls.com team are atop the standings. First of all, they're both in the business of covering the entertainment industry. Second, they both have three movies out already (Happy Feet, The Santa Clause 3 and A Good Year for onionavclub, and Flushed Away, Stranger Than Fiction and Deja Vu for the home team). And third, well, we can't help but wonder if the Fantasy Moguls team might have an unfair competitive advantage.
Will Carroll, ESPN's own fantasy sports expert, has his The Fantasy Show studio right there with them. He scored a huge early touchdown with Borat that has him dancing in the end zone for now. He'll be looking for The Pursuit of Happyness and The Holiday to run up the score in December.
Jeff Sneider (of Ain't It Cool News) and Heather and Jessica (from gofugyourself) are on the brink of some tabloid ink themselves. They're just a hair behind the leaders, with Jeff still leaning heavily on Royale, Casino Royale, and Heather and Jessica spreading the love with Babel, The Return, Volver and Night of the Living Dead 3D. Though being spread that thin so early without being perched atop the heap probably ain't a good sign for the future of the studio.
And last, but certainly not least, is beauty Jenn Sterger's jennsterger.com studio. She's not far out of the race either with, Saw III, Deck the Halls and The Fountain all at a theater near you. This Cow Girl will be looking for National Lampoon's Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj to lasso her a spot atop the standings.
Mike Ogle awoke from his turkey coma this weekend with an usher's flashlight shining in his eyes and melted oversized chocolates in his lap. The movie was over and the theater was empty, but the studio, well, they got his money anyway. If you've got a bootleg of the romance Flannel Pajamas, please drop him a line at oglemike@gmail.com. Otherwise, pass the Thanksgiving leftovers.


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