There are a some golden rules in movie releasing – and movie production and acquisitions as well – and I’m going to go over a few of them here. The first is soundtracks don’t mean diddly – unless you have a record label, in which case you might be able to make some coin on it that way. But in terms of box office dollars, its impact is negligible. So if you see a movie being marketed heavily for its soundtrack (and not like 8 Mile, a legit movie starring the biggest rap/hip-hop star on the planet and thus part of the soundtrack) as much as if not more as the stars and the concept of the film, DO NOT DRAFT IT. You can pretty much count on a crappy movie and poor grosses but decent CD sales, which helps you really not at all.

Hip-hop stars do not mean diddly. I know, I know – there are exceptions/qualifications. A few of them can act. Ice Cube is a legit box office threat – as a comedian. But in general, they don’t draw audiences as much as you might expect. Snoop is a good example. A huge star, major artist, plays to packed houses, drops it while it’s hot, and he couldn’t carry a movie if it was released with a free blunt at the door. The only hope for these guys is a comedy starring one of the very few of their numbers who can carry a movie: Ice Cube. But Cube is only a partial exception to this formula, for Ice Cube + action = box office disaster. All About the Benjamins. Marketed with a one-sheet of Cube and Mike Epps, guns, Cube scowling, promising comedy (Epps) and action (Cube). Collapsed like Guy Richie’s career after Swept Away (though to New Line’s credit, they kept the budget very low on Benjamins to turn a small profit). XXX. Same $87M budgets. Vin brings it in at $141M. Cube rakes in $25M. Torque? $22M. Unmitigated disasters. If your hip-hop boys, your rap kids are starring, and even with Cube in it, if it looks like action (or a dumb comedy without Cube), rather than drafting it, perhaps you should consider putting paper cuts on your hands and washing them in lemon juice. Same pain – but you get it over with in a hurry, rather than the slow, burning pain of watching your season go into reverse week after miserable week.

Musicals are gold, baby! Okay, let’s get down to business here. When I say musicals, I don’t mean Take the Lead, which was originally titled Take the Studio’s Chances at Profit Down the Toilet, but marketing research showed that audiences lost track of the title after Studio’s, hence the new three-word title. No, I’m talking Moulin Rouge. I’m talking Chicago. I’m talking Ray. I’m talking Walk the Line. I’m talking Dreamgirls (and let’s not kid ourselves, take the music out of Ray and Walk the Line and you don’t have studio films, you have an MOW and a dark indie). With the exception of Chicago remaining true to its Broadway sets but given a film look, they are all essentially filmed versions of musicals, adaptations for the big screen. Dreamgirls promises to do the same. With big names (Beyonce, Jamie Foxx…Eddie Murphy…) and what appears to be really terrific music, it has the look and feel of a Ray rather than the look and feel of The Five Heartbeats. They seem to have found their footing again, which is a blessing, because some of the best movies ever made were musicals (don’t even get me started on West Side Story) and it’s nice to see both the studios and the general public backing them again.

But remember golden rule #1: do NOT be confused by clever marketing about the soundtrack in a film (even if it’s starring music celebrities) for a movie that is a musical. HUGE difference. One has everything to do with the box office, the other absolutely nothing. One is the marketing department trying to sucker you in with the promise of cool music that will elevate the material (but it never does) and the other is a film wherein the music is intrinsic to the story. Kind of like the difference between Vanilla Ice and Barry White.

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