Secret No. 1: They know when they have crap on their hands and will thus spin it like DJ Shadow. Take, for instance, the trailers and marketing materials for Stranger Than Fiction (I know, I know -- beat a dead horse for being foolish enough to think it would make gobs of money instead of dropping like Michael Richards's stand-up career). They sold it as a comedy: Will Farrell being funny in every clip, clever cuts to make it look fast-paced and engaging -- only it's a freaking drama. D-R-A-M-A. And not a clever, genre-bending drama like that orchid movie by the Kauffman kid -- Adaptation (sorry, my Louie B. Meyer channeling session momentarily intruded). No, this was a genre film starring ... Emma Thompson. Will Farrell is second fiddle and he's playing it straight. The keen marketing executive will play you like a fiddle, so be careful when drafting. Read the columns of our esteemed colleagues and put their sage advice to use. Make sure you know what you're buying, or you might think you have a Caddie on your hands only to realize you're driving a '72 Vega with quarter-panel rot.

Secret No. 2: You think Bush's administration is good at spin? Let me tell you something. Studios have been known to hire big-time political PR firms to help them limit the damage caused to their films by any of a number of developments. Not only will they use them to spin negatives to positives, they will use them to "get the word out" to help socially relevant movies transcend the label of "entertainment" and become important, thought-provoking cultural flashpoints that make us question the very lives we lead. If a film starts to cross borders in the news media, if it starts showing up in Newsweek, on Oprah, on Larry King, then that movie has a chance to grow legs it wouldn't otherwise have. Watch for this. It would fall under the heading of "up-and-comer," because the deluge of news stories wouldn't begin until closer to release. Look through the upcoming slate and find the releases whose subject matter is weighty. List them, and then watch as their release dates approach (if they aren't drafted already because of their pedigree or early buzz). If this type of phenomena begins to occur, you will want to seriously consider drafting them in place of something you already have.

Secret No. 3: Publicists know the truth. If you know any, or meet any, make nice-nice. Buy them a cocktail (publicists love cocktails -- it's like giving a golden retriever a tennis ball). Better yet, buy them 20 cocktails. You'll most likely find out everything you ever wanted to know AND you'll get lucky. Unless they're married. Or maybe not. Look, the point is, get 'em good and tight and they will give you the honest goods. They all share information because they all need information to survive. Publicists live in the world of information exchange and therefore know what the real deal is. And even if they're not connected with film, a good one knows what's happening anyway just by seeing the types of stories that are coming out and the spin they all have on them. Be keenly aware of whose faces you are starting to see on magazine covers. Take notice of who's on Letterman or Leno -- especially if their movie isn't opening for a while (the studio is seeding the raincloud, so to speak). All of this is important information that we take as "human interest" or "feeding the public appetite," but there is a reason for every article, every appearance, every utterance and every interview. A young star or starlet's performance in a movie in January could mean their movie in August skyrockets. Be aware of the world we live in.

And get the publicists drunk.

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