Nico: Ahem. We begin with Waitress (Fox Searchlight), opening Wednesday, May 2, which is the very last film to have been directed by writer-director-actress Adrienne Shelly before her senseless murder last winter. Waitress is, if you will, a comedic fusion of Thelma and Louise, Under the Tuscan Sun, Riding in Cars With Boys and Mary Tyler Moore. It also features a quartet of likeable young stars: Keri Russell, Jeremy Sisto, Nathan Fillion, and Cheryl Hines. Not to mention Andy Griffith, who remains eminently watchable despite the fact that he really HAS sucked down a river of old, or three. Waitress earned a standing O at Sundance this past January -- an acknowledgement that, sadly, Ms. Shelly was unable to take part in. Fox Searchlight's pretty big on this film, and Keri Russell's only getting more appealing … I suspect that, should Waitress take enough orders in its opening weekend, and appeal to critical tastes, it might even stick around for a second shift. What say you, Shryke?

Shryke: Well, artists of pretty much any stripe tend to receive heightened attention and acclaim after their demise –- a cynical man could even say that death's a pretty good career move -- so, if you're hoping Waitress will get a wider release, you might just get your wish, here, Nico. That being said, though -- what a tragedy to befall such a promising, and still relatively youthful, director. Adrienne Shelly might well have been on the cusp of breaking out into truly mainstream success. Waitress appears to be a quirky, light-hearted romantic comedy that could appeal to a very diverse range of theatergoers. And there's just no denying the broad likability of its stars; it's interesting to note, too, that -- aside from Ms. Shelly -- each of the top four billed names in Waitress' cast, all made their bones on the small screen.

Nico: Five, really. You forgot Andy.

Shryke: [Shocked] That's RIGHT! You know, given its history, Fox could have titled this flick: Felicity Finds Serenity in Mayberry.

Nico: ... And Winds Up Six Feet Under the Curb.

Shryke and Nico: [Sustained, mutually complimentary paroxysms of nerdish delight, eventually sputtering into happy, spent self-congratulation and contentment]

Nico: [Wiping away tears] Okay. Projections? Particularly with regards to IMDb and PTA; I think we can agree that, unless Waitress DOES, in fact, start to generate massive buzz and gets tapped for a far wider release, it won't be appearing anywhere near the Top 5 spots or scoring much bank.

Shryke: A couple of PTA points are indeed possible. Right now, User Ratings stand at 8.2, with only a few votes tallied so far, but that's still really, really promising. Waitress might be a very attractive dark-horse candidate for Ultimate Gamers, assuming it's available. But it's hard to predict where it might go. Call it a fringe favorite; worth a look, but not necessarily deserving of one of your slate's six (valuable) slots.

Nico: I'll say, 7.6-8.1 IMDb, 1 or 2 PTA points at best, and receipts below $3 million. Unless it goes into wide release, in which case anything up to $20 million is possible. But I really wouldn't go overboard on this one.

Shryke: Up next is an enchanting little gem, technically being "expanded" after first being screened late last year, but for all intents and purposes now getting its American debut: The Flying Scotsman (MGM), which might be the Citizen Kane of Scottish cycling movies. [Grin] Scotsman stars actual Englishman Jonny Lee Miller, who may be familiar to U.S. audiences for being the former-former Mr. Angelina Jolie ... prior to Billy Bob Thornton. The Flying Scotsman is the sensational true story of Graeme Obree, who shattered the world's cycling records with a handmade bicycle, and who later was stripped of his medals and faced down the onset of serious mental illness after being confronted with personal tragedy. Why are you so high on this film, Nico?

Nico: I loved this project from the get-go. First, it's just an incredible story -- a real-world medley of Rudy, Rocky, Chariots of Fire and The Hurricane, with shades of A Beautiful Mind tossed in also. And it's absolutely factual. Obree was a cycling outsider who turned one of the most insular, hidebound sports on the planet absolutely on its ear; who not only put a racing rig together with his bare hands (with City on the Edge of Forever-esque materials, like stone knives and bearskins, no less), but managed, with sheer will and ingenuity, to mold the science of competitive cycling into something approaching an art form. I'm absolutely convinced that The Flying Scotsman is poised to become a sports film for the ages. Its timelessness goes hand-in-hand with its integrity; its beauty IS its truth.

Shryke: You're certainly selling me on it. When can I buy a ticket?

Nico: [Laughing] I know, right? And, apart from the plot, the narrative, it's just a great film. Miller delivers a vulnerable, accessible, even courageous (BAFTA-nominated) performance, and this might just be the very best work Billy Boyd (The Lord of the Rings) has ever done. Brian Cox, who I mentioned a little while ago, is cast well against his typical "heavy" character type as a man of the cloth who encourages and shepherds Graeme. So, here it is: If you're a fan of competition, any competition -- heck, if you're a fan of the human spirit, of dignity, perseverance, or achievement in any form, go see The Flying Scotsman. It not only moves, it soars; this is simply The Fountainhead of individual sport.

Shryke: So, then, tell us what you REALLY think, Nico? [Laughing]

Nico: [Also laughing] Yeah, I think it's safe to say, in my estimation it's a bit of all right. IMDb's on the low side right now, but European audiences, who are really the only ones who've had a chance to comment, so far, are a little less sentimental, a little more difficult to impress than Americans. I predict Scotsman's User Rating will really take off once it lands on our shores: 7.7-8.2 IMDb, with potentially two to four PTA points over several weeks. Like Waitress, this is a film that could (and probably should) get a wider release -- and its fortunes, should it receive increased exposure, might ultimately resemble the performance of Waking Ned Devine, another crowd-pleaser which became a genuine sleeper smash as it was gradually rolled out in late 1998 and early 1999. $20 to $25 million could be in the offing if MGM gives it that chance. I wouldn't count on it, though.

Shryke: I think you're going a bit overboard, here -- $20 million is really pushing it. So, I'll "break away" [heh] from you and say that -- even benefitting from a wider release, which is unlikely -- it'll top out no higher than $12 million. Your other predictions about The Flying Scotsman look good, though.

Nico: Next is the pretentious-sounding Paris, je t'aime (Paris, I Love You) (First Look), an exceedingly ambitious import from no fewer than 20 diverse, top-notch writers and directors, including: the Coen Brothers, Wes Craven, Alfonso Cuarón and Gus Van Sant. The international all-star cast includes: Juliette Binoche, Steve Buscemi, Willem Dafoe, Gérard Depardieu, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Bob Hoskins, Nick Nolte, Natalie Portman, Miranda Richardson, Gena Rowlands, Rufus Sewell and Elijah Wood. Paris is a genuine love letter to the City of Light, examining what the locals call, "Paname" from the perspectives of 18 of its 20 "arrondissements," or wards.

Shryke: Its story, as it were, is comprised of around 20 five-minute segments, which on the surface seems excessive and even chaotic. However, the picture seems to congeal pretty well, with one representation/perspective flowing organically right into the next, resulting in a uniform and even mesmerizing tableau.

Nico: Either I'm starting to rub off on you, or you're beginning to make sense to me. You're exactly correct. Paris, je t'aime is like a film-school senior project writ large; they might well have called it Eighteen Short Films About Aire Urbaine, or Scenes from a Gaul.

Shryke: I'll say this for it: Paris, I Love You is the epitome of the term "indie gem." It's going to sell tickets, that's for certain; I mean, forgetting everything else, you seldom see a movie with enough star power to make Carl Sagan's mouth drop open? Put it another way: This makes three out of three very, very intriguing films in limited release this weekend. I'll predict at least a few PTA points, and IMDb user ratings (currently at 7.4) should remain quite respectable.

Nico: It's going to be an art-house sensation, no question. IMDb will likely increase, and may go as high as 7.6 to 7.8 before it's done. Any audience urbane enough to be interested in checking out Paris to begin with, will surely fall in love with this bonbon; for so many reasons, really, this is perhaps the best Ultimate Moguls pick in an exceptional week for select cinemas.

Shryke: Moving on, we find Civic Duty (Freestyle Releasing), which has two provocative, dual-meaning taglines: the ominous "The War on Terror Just Came Home," and the cruelly derisive "Are You Doing Yours?" I remember, Nico, back when you were looking ahead to Reign Over Me, and called Adam Sandler's performance "potentially radioactive." I get the same vibe from this offering, which looks like a heady, all-too-topical cross between Disturbia and Arlington Road.

Nico: I think that's dead-on. Civic Duty is a film that probably speaks more truthfully, not to mention directly, to a state of mind that's prevalent in much of post-9/11 American society than a hundred Nightlines, Frontlines or 60 Minutes segments. Duty stars Six Feet Under's Peter Krause as a patriotic, politically sensitive, personally frustrated American who begins to suspect his new, youthful neighbor, an Islamic graduate student, of being a terrorist sympathizer ... perhaps even an enemy combatant. The film also stars one of my personal favorite television actors of all time, The West Wing's Richard Schiff, as a skeptical FBI agent Krause's character tries to "warn."

Shryke: Heavy subject matter.

Nico: Yeah, and one really wonders whether Civic Duty will get a fair hearing in the public square. This is a potentially massively polarizing film, as it explores that very fine (some might say, no longer even discernible) boundary between what one might term "healthy paranoia" and flat-out, irrational obsession. From an artistic standpoint, or even a philosophical or ideological one, this film represents the very best of what the medium can be: It takes an exceptionally emotional, divisive, even dangerous issue and provides a fictional context where it CAN be subjected to scrutiny. It's a brave little film, featuring an absolutely valiant performance by Krause. It's on my must-see list this year ... but that DOESN'T mean it's coming anywhere near my studio slate. Even with its current IMDb score in the mid-7s, I can't recommend anyone volunteer for this Duty. It could end up well above 8.0; on the other hand, it might plunge below 4.0.

Shryke: That 7.5 IMDb score is surely tempting, but, then, so was that golden head Indy swiped from under Belloq's nose –- and look what happened to him! The world is full of movies I want to see, but that doesn't necessarily mean I want to "finance" 'em, or release them, or whatever.

Nico: Let's move on, then, to our final film ...

Shryke: Away From Her (Lionsgate), the (by-far) biggest directorial effort yet from multitalented Canuck Sarah Polley, who I will always remember as Sally Salt, the precocious 9-year-old who all but stole the show in Terry Gilliam's critically conflicted, unambiguously wonderful The Adventures of Baron Munchausen. My advice to audiences: Bring a goodly supply of Kleenex. A loyal husband, Grant (played by Gordon Pinsent of The Shipping News) faces a doubly devastating ordeal when he learns that his wife of 45 years (an extraordinary Julie Christie), who is losing her mind to Alzheimer's, has transferred her affections to another man, a co-resident at the assisted-living facility where she now lives.

Nico: Speaking as someone who has a parent suffering from Alzheimer's, I wholeheartedly agree, this is a film that breaks you in half, emotionally. I caught it recently at a local film festival, and it just shattered me, but in the very best way. It's really very difficult for me to put this one into words ... I felt an obligation to see this movie, and I'm quite glad I did, but I can't honestly say I enjoyed it.

Shryke: Well, I doubt many younger patrons will be tracking it down, that's for certain. This is for mature audiences, pretty much exclusively; most folks under the age of 40, certainly under 30, will likely stay far, far away from Her. That being said, though, Polley sure knows her way around the director's chair.

Nico: Let's hope there's still more to come. Really, this is a quite superb lineup, altogether; as a filmgoer, I find it hard NOT to recommend a single feature being released this week, with the POSSIBLE exception of Lucky You. My projections for Away From Her: IMDb in the 7.7-8.2 range, but no more than a single PTA point; odds are it won't garner even that.

Shryke: Yeah, it's already sitting at 7.9, so that looks pretty solid. As for PTA, I think you're being real generous, there. This film won't show up in the top 20 in that category, is my feeling. And, you didn't mention it, but box office will be minimal.

Nico: You're probably right (about PTA). [Looking at watch] We're done, dude. Let's review: Spider-Man 3, great-to-exemplary, right across the board; Lucky You, potentially problematic, but probably a solid third- or fourth-round draft pick.

Shryke: Right. And among the week's "narrow" releases: The Flying Scotsman and Waitress might really take off; Paris, je t'aime looks like a great bet from the perspectives of PTA and IMDb, but likely won't be truly revolutionary. Away From Her will net potentially massive IMDb but has nothing else going for it; and Civic Duty's the riskiest of high-risk properties.

Nico: We also set forth some long-term goals for my existence; realized we have no desire whatsoever to see Robert Duvall in The Full Monty II ...

Shryke: ... struggled to recall who played opposite Jennifer Connelly and Nick Nolte in Hulk.

Nico: As well as determining that it takes diff'rent strokes to rule the world, yes, it does. [Pause] You should know, by the way, that just this week someone told me I look like Eric Bana. [Preening]

Shryke: [Incredulous, possibly suffering an aneurysm] No, no, dude, they meant Eric Cartman, or maybe Erik the Viking.

Nico: [Edited for content]

Shryke: Erik Estrada?

Nico: [Ignoring Shryke] By the way, did you know that Alan Thicke (Growing Pains) cowrote the theme song for Diff'rent Strokes? [Returning deadpan look] Seriously, you can look it up.

Shryke: It's really very disturbing, Nico, the sheer quantity of useless information you have available at a moment's notice. You're a little like a sentient, though clearly autistic, Wiki.

Nico: [Purged from record]

Shryke: [Laughing] Sorry, man. I suggest a new strategy, Fourtoo: Let the Wiki win.

Nico: Think you're funny, do you? [Sigh] So, folks, that's all for this (hugely extended) SPECIAL EDITION of ONE MONTH OUT! Again, congratulations and sympathies to Shryke42, who had to put up with me for, lo, these many, many hours.

Shryke: It's been a pleasure, Nico. A singular and somewhat inexplicable pleasure, mind you -- sort of like Peeps, or Chaka Khan ... but an honor, nonetheless.

Nico: We'd also like to give some out mega-props (not to mention, an economy-sized bottle of extra-strength aspirin from Costco) to our editor, who single-handedly conjures light from the darkness and whips chaos into order, armed with nothing but his wits, a thesaurus and a hollow prosthetic leg filled to overflowing with Jameson's. And, as always, thanks to our readers (yes, BOTH of you!) for dropping by. In the next, somewhat less unusual (for whatever that's worth, honestly) installment, coming early next week, look for: my take on the next chapter in the saga of postapocalyptic Britain (28 Weeks Later); the Richard Gere-Claire Danes pseudo-SVU suspense flick The Flock, and more. To be followed by (yes! really!) my "High 5* " look at the first half of summer's potential expectation-outpacers.

DATE CHANGE: I honestly don't know how I managed to miss this one: The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai (Palm Pictures), which has caused a bit of a stir at all kinds of international film festivals and foreign cinemas these last several years, is finally getting a U.S. release (this Friday, April 13). Here's its plot, in a nut (and I mean, NUT) shell: A Japanese call girl falls victim to a stray bullet, which helpfully buries itself deep in her frontal lobe. Instead of simply annihilating her brain, however, which really would have been the Christian thing for it to do, it bestows unnatural abilities and superhuman powers upon her, sort of like Regarding Henry meets Phenomenon. Then she manages to run afoul of an international conspiracy involving a Wag the Dog-style nuclear confrontation, a society of assassins (Steve Jackson Games ROCKS!) and, erm, George W. Bush's cloned middle finger. As Dave Barry might say: I am NOT MAKING THIS UP!! Oh, my heads. Call it glamorous ... or odious ... or irresponsible ... or just plain bat[bleep]; Sachiko Hanai is all but guaranteed to be a cult classic. Where's that planet-killing rogue comet when we really, really need it? [Looking up optimistically.] Right, then. We'll have to go. However ... I digress.

Nicodemus and Shryke42 have been Fantasy Moguls's very own Spike the Bulldog and Chester the Terrier. Or Mr. Roarke and Tattoo. Or Conan O'Brien and Andy Richter. Or Captain and Tenille. Want to take a stab at couples' counseling? Book a session with them at nicodemus@fantasymoguls.com.