The July-September leagues are now in full swing, and the battle royale between shape-shifting vehicles and adolescent wand-wavers has begun in earnest. The heat is climbing all over the country (where I live, it hit 117 degrees today), and the lure of a nice, air-conditioned theater is very tempting, innit? So while those two Godzillas are duking it out, let's focus on three other films scheduled to be released in late July and early August: The Simpsons Movie, No Reservations and Hot Rod.

It's hard to believe that it's approaching two decades since the crappily-drawn Simpsons family first entered our lives as supporting "characters" on the old Tracey Ullman Show. Since then, Matt Groening has created an entire universe to go with his atypical-typical nuclear family, from dozens of recognizable supporting characters to an explosion of merchandising that would give the all-powerful Yogurt ("Please, please, don't make a fuss. I'm just plain Yogurt.") pause. You have to admit, there's nothing like a good Homer quote to break the ice in a conversation.

There's no doubt about it, this little TV show that could has carved out a unique niche in American culture (as well as sub-culture). The hysterical (mis)adventures of the residents of Springfield, U.S.A., have been making audiences of all ages laugh for nigh on two decades now, and will probably continue to do so for many more years to come.

If you were to poll most Simpsons enthusiasts, however, I think you'd find that the general consensus about the show is that its funniest years are behind it. Millions of people have literally grown up watching this show, like, from infancy to adolescence, or from adolescence into adultery (D'oh!), but very little about the show itself has changed (other than the quality of the animation, thank God). All of the characters remain caricatures of themselves, unchanged by the passage of time.

That, for me, is the heart of the problem ... the show has become stagnant. We've had four different presidential administrations since the inception of this show, but Bart remains, to this day, a 10-year-old brat. The price of gas has tripled, but Maggie remains a pacifier-sucking mute infant. Characters have come and gone, some have even died, but the coat of Teflon that surrounds the show protects it from any discernible change. When you think about it, all that's really been updated in 18 years is the pop-culture references.

So, yeah, I've known that the plans for The Simpsons Movie (July 27) were in the works for a good long while, and, God knows, if any show deserves a big-screen adaptation, I'd take Homer and friends over nearly all of the lame '60s and '70s translations any day of the week and twice on Sunday (heh). But I can't help but shake the uneasy feeling that the movie symbolizes EKG paddles that Fox is greasing up in order to jolt some new life back into its longest-lived televised meal ticket.

One thing's for sure, though. If you are still, or were at any point along the way, a Simpsons fan, you are probably going to see this movie. I won't go into the plot, since it hardly matters; the characters will be who they always are, there will be slapstick, absurdities, surprise guest stars and enough pop-culture references to choke Stampy. Let's just hope it doesn't go into the books as the Worst. Movie. Ever.

Fantasy Moguls has Simpsons Movie pegged to make exactly $100 million dollars, and if you add up all the fans of the show and multiply by $7-$12 dollars, that sounds about right. It will run you $30 in the Ultimate leagues ($29 in Box Office), which puts it at about the same level as I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, but I can't, in all honesty, see this film outperforming Sandler's latest vehicle in terms of dollars grossed. User Ratings are anyone's guess, but if you consider the demographic of its audience, things could be very rosy for anyone who picks this film up. It's a cheaper pick than The Bourne Ultimatum, but then again, I can count the number of pure action flicks coming out in August on two fingers (War being the other).

If you've eschewed picking either of the July heavyweights, then you're going to need something to keep from getting left in the box office dust, and The Simpsons Movie is one of very few movies available that could help you do just that. Let us hope that this film will stand up better than that last movie based on a Fox series to come out while the show was still on the air ... seriously, would you really want to sit through The X Files (1998) again?

Up next, we have a film where the central characters are chefs. However, this one does not take place in Paris, and it does not feature a talented animated rat or his gangly human sidekick. No Reservations (July 27) instead features aging hottie Catherine Zeta-Jones as Kate, a tightly wound gourmet cook and restaurateur whose life is turned upside down when her beloved sister perishes in an auto accident, and she is asked to take custody of her niece (played by Little Miss Sunshine herself, Abigail Breslin). What follows is, I'm sure, a heartwarming tale of love, coping with loss and dealing with one's own insecurities.

Also entering the mix is Aaron Eckhart, playing a sous chef and fan of Kate's, who eventually becomes her love interest/support system, much as Eckhart did for Julia Roberts in Erin Brockovich (only with far less facial hair). I've always like Eckhart; he was awesome in last year's quirky Thank You For Smoking, as well as in 2005's spooky Suspect Zero, and was even palatable as a George McFly-ish villain in Paycheck. (Black Dahlia? Never happened. You hear me? It never happened.) I don't know if he'll ever achieve Hollywood leading-man status, but it's almost always enjoyable watching him work.

Despite the appeal of its cast, however, this film has the word "formula" stamped on it in big red letters. Even from the two-minute trailer, one can pretty much run down the checklist as the film progresses: normalcy, disruption, grudging acceptance, stress, frustration, an ephemeral connection, growth, setback, recovery, triumph. Not that it's always unenjoyable to watch such a film, but I would wager that No Reservations is one of those films that will neither succeed nor fail. It will garner lukewarm-to-good reviews, earn about $30 million dollars (slightly less than the $38 million Fantasy Moguls projects), and make its way quietly to DVD.

In Box Office, this carries a price tag of a mere $11, which is within $3 (in either direction) of nine other choices, any of which could outperform No Reservations -- but at least this one will give you two whole months of receipts before the bell rings. Sunshine and Underdog might be better picks, and both will cost you less. In Ultimate, Reservations will only run you $9, and while it'll almost certainly outgross any similarly-priced pick, I doubt it'll bring you dividends in any of the other three categories, so here's where you might want to sacrifice quantity for quality.

Now, if there is one long-running comedy show that's been around as long as The Simpsons and is even further from its prime, it's Saturday Night Live. Seriously, how that show remains on the air is beyond me. Don't get me wrong, that show has jump-started the careers of no small amount of budding comedians. It's hard to imagine an '80s without John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd, Bill Murray and Eddie Murphy, just as it's hard to imagine a '90s without Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Chris Farley and David Spade. And today we have stars like Will Ferrell, Adam Sandler and Chris Rock to carry the show's cinematic impact well into the future.

But for every successful career launched from the fruit of Lorne Michaels's loins, there are at least three others whose careers have floundered in mediocrity ... Chris Kattan, Tracy Morgan, Tim Meadows -- the list is practically endless. And, so help me God, if some studio somewhere greenlights Deuce Bigalow: Arabian Gigolo, I'm going to go on a three-state killing spree. But, anyway, the latest SNL alum to try to make the perilous jump from the small screen to the big is Andy Samberg, who welcoms you to August with Hot Rod (Aug. 3).

From watching the trailer, it looks to be nothing more than an overgrown-kid-stupidly-trying-to-get-attention-by-doing-something-dangerous-and-dumb movie. However, this film was shown recently at the Los Angeles Film Festival, and the few reviews I've read seem to indicate that there may be more to this film then just brainless slapstick. Here are a couple of snippets:

• "This is by far the funniest, strangest and most ingenious comedy of the summer ... This movie has some of the most random gags ever seen on film ... the comedy is very strange, definitely not for everyone, but give it a chance and you will not regret it."
• "Ridiculously clever and random."
• "Destined to become a cult comedy classic."

Hmm. Interesting. If you're like me, then there's nothing quite so pleasing to you as a comedy that comes straight out of left field and surprises you by making you laugh more than it should. Films like Napoleon Dynamite or Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle spring to mind. And if Hot Rod is of the same caliber as those diamonds in the rough, this just might be worth watching. Plus: friggin' Ian McShane! Huzzah!

But is it worth owning? In Ultimate leagues, it will cost you $19, which is $1 less than Superbad, which, if I'm reading the wind right (quiet, you), is going to be very big for an August release. It's got a better cast, a better premise and will probably garner an even wider release. It seems to be a superior pick to Hot Rod in pretty much every category, but, hey, if you can squeeze 'em both into your roster, more power to ya. Other comparable picks would be Hairspray, Halloween and Rush Hour 3, any of which could be hits or misses.

In Box Office, however, it's a different matter. It'll only run you $11, which is the same price (or close to it) as a lot of "you never know" picks: No Reservations, Shoot 'Em Up, Mr. Woodcock, Mr. Bean's Holiday. Given how weak late August and early September is for potential breakouts, you could pretty much pick one or two of these out of a hat and have done with it.

Bonus tip: Someone actually sent me an e-mail asking me if I thought spending $4 to pick up I Know Who Killed Me was worth it. Well, let's see ... no. Unless you're playing the Fantasy Bankrupts league, that is. If you really need ME to tell you that Lindsay Lohan is pure box office poison, then God help you. Now, for all I know, the flick may tell a cool story, but it doesn't MATTER! Moviegoers will avoid this one like the plague, and give it Delta Farce-level User Ratings for the same reason. Even the people whose only source of entertainment is watching celebs' careers go down the crapper have lost interest in The Lindsay. Just say no. (Next question: "Okay then, how about Skinwalkers?" Me: "Don't make me hurt you.")

As for the smaller releases, which have been getting short shrift during Nicodemus's regrettable absence, well, I suppose I can dig my fake beard out for a few minutes ... I won't presume to know much about these titles, so take what I'm about to say with a grain of salt: Goya's Ghosts costs $15, the same as Arctic Tale and This Is England, both of which have great IMDb numbers so far. England is a better bet for PTA, while Tale will do better box office. No End In Sight may surprise, and is only $9. Cashback ($7) looks iffy, and I would probably avoid Moliere ($12), Fat Girls ($7), and the godawful-looking Who's Your Caddy? (overpriced at $2).

Well, that's about all I have for you today. Join me again next week, when I will take on the logjam that is the slate for Aug. 3, by giving you the (abridged) dirt on a whole horde of new releases: The Bourne Ultimatum, Underdog, Becoming Jane, Charlie Bartlett, BRATZ and El Cantante, as well as limited release The Ten. Oh my. Break out another case of Duff, this one's gonna be interesting.

TTFN!

Shrykespeare's brains have been going into his feet ever since he gave the order for ludicrous speed. Help him find the emergency brake at shrykespeare@gmail.com.