This week, I will be closing out August with analysis of eight films that are scheduled to be released on Labor Day weekend, including: Rob Zombie's update of one of the true horror classics of all time, Halloween, lowbrow ping-pong comedy-actioner Balls of Fury, and Kevin Bacon vengeance flick Death Sentence. There will also be four limited-release features, including Jennifer Lopez vehicle Bordertown.

But first, a bit of news: for the last few weeks, I have taken up the gauntlet of analyzing the smaller films, which had been left on the floor in the wake of Nicodemus's abrupt departure, and I was more than happy to do it. With some of the most competitive leagues ever being formed, it didn't seem right that there was no one to talk about the PTA-heavy films. That being the case, I had hoped that the arrangement would only be temporary, as I really have nothing more than a layman's perspective to offer when discussing films that I will probably never see, and frankly, I feel like I'm spreading myself too thin while I'm doing it. To that end, thank you for bearing with me.

Starting next week, however, a new column will be making its debut, which will have the distinct duty of discussing ONLY the limited-release/arthouse pictures, which will give me the opportunity to go back to exclusively doing wide-release films. Nico always felt that there should be two columns, one for the big movies and one for the small, and then Mister Informative and Steve Mason to tie them all together. I will not reveal who the new columnist is (I'll let him do that, if he indeed wants to), but suffice it to say, if you frequent the message boards or are a regular visitor, he is not a stranger. The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades ...

Besides the allure of the four-day weekend, I can't help but wonder why the powers that be behind Halloween chose the last Friday in August for its release. I mean, no offense, but wouldn't, say, OCTOBER be a better choice for a film which not only takes place on All Hallows' Eve, but actually has it in its title?! If I'm doing the math right, this film will be two months old by the time kids everywhere start picking out their costumes ... I can only guess that they're hoping that the holiday season will give this film a "second wind" as it goes into its third month of release. Of course, that rather hinges on its being a success the first time around, which I am supremely confident it will.

Other than 1408, you'd be hard-pressed to find a horror film this entire year that's met with the public's approval. And looking down the road, only 30 Days of Night and perhaps Saw IV have outside chances of doing well (they are, in fact, going to be the principal competition for Halloween come October). But this one's got more than a few things going for it: 1) Rob Zombie, who has already developed a considerable following, and who is striving to achieve the A-level seriousness that was sorely lacking in his last two outings, House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects; 2) anticipation, which is huge given that it's been 29 years since the original, which remains to this day one of the highest-ranked and most-beloved pure horror movies of all time; 3) a more in-depth study of how Michael Myers ("Yeah, baby!") became a psychotic killer in the first place. Add all that up, and you've got a film with huge potential.

Halloween is a virtual lock to win its opening weekend, and will probably bag some PTA points as well. It may even be able to hang on in successive weeks, depending on the continued success of The Nanny Diaries or how films like 3:10 to Yuma, Shoot 'Em Up and The Brave One shake out in successive weeks. Fantasy Moguls predicts it will make only $33 million, but I think it could easily make double that, assuming that it garners favorable comparisons to John Carpenter's original. (Those comparisons, I think, will either make or break this film.) $15 is a goodly amount to wager on any horror film this year, but I think it's one of the more solid investments you can make.

Next up, in what is sure to be the first of many, many ping-pong-related martial arts films (grin), we have Balls of Fury, which was written, directed and produced by Ben Garant (creator of the Reno: 911 television series and movie). I have been anticipating this film for some time now, quietly gnashing my teeth ever since it was postponed from its earlier spring slot. To me, there are few things funnier than preposterous plotlines that are actually loving (if skewed) homages to classic films ... in this case, Bruce Lee's immortal Enter the Dragon. There's a difference, you see, between an homage that pays tribute to a classic and a spoof that blatantly rips it off. We have been inundated with a veritable river of crap that fits the latter category of late: the last two Scary Movie films (or anything Leslie Nielsen has done in the last 20 years), Date Movie and the king of all crap, Epic Movie. And with The Comebacks and Superhero Movie coming soon, I just have to shake my head and wistfully remember the glory days of Mel Brooks. But I digress.

Balls stars the Jack Black-ish Dan Fogler (School for Scoundrels) as a washed-up table-tennis pro recruited by the CIA (yes, really) to infiltrate an underground to-the-death ping-pong tournament (yes, really) sponsored by an Asian crime lord named Mr. Feng, who is played deliciously by Christopher Walken (yes, rea ... ah, skip it). The fact that this film was even made in the first place gives me great hope for the future of comedy, as I think it could quietly become one of the funniest movies of the year. As I said, there's nothing quite so amusing as a group of people treating something patently ridiculous like it was high art. You know, kind of like Dodgeball or Shaolin Soccer, both of which were absolutely wonderful.

Of course, not everyone truly appreciates balls-out stupidity (pun intended) for art's sake, so don't expect this film to be well-reviewed or have a great rating. Fantasy Moguls is predicting $32 million in receipts and 5.5 User Ratings, and here's where I cross my fingers and just HOPE that it does better. For $3 (in Box Office Moguls), this film is a pretty good deal, there's no doubt about that. In Ultimate Movie Moguls, however, this is a high-risk venture, even for $5. It may not make or break you, but it could significantly affect your chances.

The first thing that jumps out at you about Death Sentence is that it is being directed by Saw co-creator James Wan, who is attempting to branch out from pure horror (not surprising, given the failure of this spring's Dead Silence) into more conventional violent drama. The second thing worth mentioning is that it is based loosely on the same book (written by Brian Garfield) that gave us the Charles Bronson-led Death Wish series that began more than three decades ago.

This particular incarnation stars Kevin Bacon as Nick Hume, who goes on a murderous rampage against a gang of street hoods when his eldest son is gunned down during a convenience-store holdup. My first reaction to this would be, "Haven't we seen this before?" But then, there has always been something about Kevin Bacon that intrigues me greatly. He's never been the kind of actor to take conventional roles, and he always manages to infuse his characters with just the right amount of pathos or creepiness, or whatever the part requires. (I can think of few actors that could have lifted Stir of Echoes from being the crap-fest it should have been into something almost enjoyable.)

Watching Nick lose himself to his rage should be truly interesting to behold. However, the revenge flick is pretty played out, and the pushing-50 actor simply doesn't have the drawing power to make this a hit (supporting appearances by Kelly Preston and John Goodman won't put any butts in seats, either). Depending on its release size, it could finish as high as third on its opening weekend, but look for it to disappear rather quickly after that. For the $8/$11 (in U/BO), you could do worse, I suppose, but you could also do better.

For those of you who are wondering why I didn't take a look at War in my last column, it's because I only just became aware of its "final" release date. Several sources had it coming out on Aug. 24, while others had it coming out on Sept. 14. But with Box Office Mojo, IMDb, Rotten Tomatoes, and even the commercials for this movie itself all telling me that it's being released on Aug. 24, I'd better get on the stick and weigh in on this puppy before it's too late.

Starring quite possibly the two most underrated action stars of this decade, Jason Statham and Jet Li (who, yes, I still consider to be underrated), War is an action junkie's dream. The plot (not that it matters; the presence of these two alone is enough to carry a film for a full 90 minutes): after an FBI agent's (Statham) partner is murdered by a mysterious assassin called "Rogue" (Li), a bloody crime war is set off between rival Asian mobs.

I don't mind telling you, I am quite looking forward to this. Set midway 'twixt Bourne Ultimatum and Shoot 'Em Up, this is just the sort of film to lessen those late-summer doldrums. I think it's safe to say that it will finish no lower than No. 3 for the weekend (and has an outside shot at No. 1, depending on how well Nanny Diaries does). Look for User Ratings in the mid-to-high 6s, and quite possibly $50 million in total receipts. $19 is a bit pricey in Ultimate, but the $12 this would cost in Box Office might just be worth it.

For the last time (Yay!), I will take this week's four limited-release features in ascending order of Ultimate Moguls potential, starting with Bordertown. I am sure that when Gregory Nava decided to make this film, he did so with the best of intentions. It is, after all a story that should receive some attention ... specifically, the fact that many hundreds of "factory" women have been routinely murdered on the border between Mexico and the United States. As is often the case, these women were poor, nameless souls, so no one really cared that much. Unfortunately, from what I've heard, Nava tried to "Hollywood" the movie up, and instead of turning it into a cutting-edge exposition on the state of labor in the country to our immediate south, he chose to turn it into a dramatic thriller. Casting Jennifer Lopez (playing a journalist who journeys from Chicago to investigate these women's deaths) may not have been a bad move per se, but having her re-channel her character from Enough has led to widespread negative reviews and ridicule. Current User Ratings are 5.4, and Fantasy Moguls's prediction that this film will garner two PTA points is pure wishful thinking.

I absolutely, positively, double-dog dare you to watch the trailer for Ladron Que Roba A Ladron and not think of a certain recent heist movie starring George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Matt Damon. Or am I being too vague? Ironically, this film is also a remake of a 1960 film of the same name (which, double ironically, came out the same year as the Rat Pack original that inspired Clooney and friends.) I have it on good authority that many of the actors involved are very popular telenovela actors in Mexico, but beyond the contingent of Mexican-born cinephiles currently living in the United States, I'm not sure how big an audience this film will have. I doubt that this film will give you any punch in any category, and even for the low price of $4, there are much better options available (like Deep Water or Hatchet).

Up next, we have Exiled, an import from Hong Kong, If you are familiar with director Johnny To, you know that his stock-in-trade is gangland action flicks, and this film is no exception. The central character is Wo, a man who ticks off a crime boss bad enough that he is forced into seclusion with his family ... but exile is apparently not good enough for boss-man, so two assassins are dispatched to finish him off. Much gunplay and many roundhouse kicks ensue. Bottom line: as Asian violence films go, Exiled is nothing special. If this particular genre is your bag, though, you'll probably enjoy it. But the only category that makes this movie alluring as a roster pick is User Ratings, which currently stand at 7.6; I doubt it'll do much for you in any other area.

Finally, we come to The Nines, which is not only my (final) Limited Release Pick of the Week, but looks to be one of the most intriguing scripts of the year. Broken into three parts, with its three lead actors (Ryan Reynolds, Hope Davis and Melissa McCarthy) playing different roles in each segment, the film tells three intertwining stories that link together in a metaphysical way. Don't be put off by the trailer. Firector John August wrote the screenplays for Corpse Bride, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Big Fish, so it's a good bet that The Nines has more layers than can possibly be explored in a mere ninety seconds. PTA points are almost a given, and its unbelievable IMDb rating of 9.0 (156 votes tallied so far) make its selling price of $11 seem almost paltry.

Well that's all I have for you today. Join me again next week as I gratefully return to my previous format and kick off the fall filmgoing season by sizing up four films slated for release Sept. 7: the Russell Crowe/Christian Bale western drama 3:10 to Yuma, Clive Owen's latest cool-a-thon, Shoot 'Em Up, two silly Billies (Forte and Arnett) in The Brothers Solomon and a return to "old school" horror in Hatchet. Keep your eyes peeled for the new indie-centric column, and make sure you welcome the author with the same warm, fuzzy response you've given me ... only better, since New Guy is waaaaaay cooler than I am.

TTFN!

Shrykespeare is trying to decide between The Air Up There and Wild Things for the opening night film of his first annual Makin' Bacon (Kevin) Tribute Film Festival. Remind him that the only possible options are Tremors and Footloose at shrykespeare@gmail.com.