Note: Before I begin, I will remind all of you out there who have NOT registered for my Super Leagues that it is not too late to get in. January has started, true, but there are plenty of really good choices out there (some of which I'll be covering today). There is room for you if you want to participate, all you have to do is drop me a line, and I'll send you the appropriate passwords straightaway!

[We now continue with our regularly scheduled program]

$35.9 million: keep this number in mind, for this is the high watermark, representing the largest opening weekend for a January release in film history, a record held by, of all things, Star Wars (the Special Edition) which came out on the 20-year anniversary of that film's original release in 1997. A few other films have come close to $30 million, but none have topped it. But, oh, how that's about to change.

I'm sure most of you, like myself, scratched your heads in puzzlement at the cryptic, enigmatic trailer that was shown before Transformers last July. This trailer, which started out very uneventfully, basically someone shooting footage of an upscale Manhattan rooftop party on a camera-phone, quickly turned intriguingly abnormal when, in the distance, a massive explosion rocked the downtown New York area. It was quickly followed by the decapitated head of the Statue of Liberty flung down the street like a jai alai ball by ... something. And that was it. No title, just "1-18-08," and no other information. Our appetites were undeniably whetted.

And now, six months later, Cloverfield (Jan. 18, duh) comes barreling full speed into theaters. Thanks to the brilliantly diabolical "less is more" marketing campaign by director J.J. Abrams (TV's Lost and Alias, as well as the new Star Trek movie) and Paramount Pictures, we know now, amazingly enough given the level of scrutiny surrounding this film, not much more than we did then. Oh, speculation has run rampant, of course ... we've seen artists' renderings of the supposed "monster," and many blogs have been created to discuss the topic, but the air of mystery still clings like a stubborn barnacle to this film.

I personally think that it was a brilliant move to schedule the release for this Gigantor in the frozen wasteland of January, habitually one of the weakest months of the year. I mean, think about it: when is this film likely to have the least amount of competition? You got it: January. The only thing, frankly, that might slightly diminish its chances for achieving less than 15 Top 5 points is that this film might suffer what my colleague Mister Informative dubbed "Snakes on a Plane Syndrome;" to wit, that this film has been hyped so much that the payoff will almost inevitably fail to be worthy of the build-up. That, and there are no really recognizable names in that cast.

Between January and April, I'd say there are only a handful of films that have a shot at blockbuster status. Semi-Pro is a lock, Horton Hears a Who and 10,000 B.C. have a good chance, and Fool's Gold, The Spiderwick Chronicles and Jumper are long shots. But Cloverfield is the only one that might come within spitting distance of the coveted $200 million mark. It's reasonably priced in the mid-$30 range in both (December) leagues, which makes this a must have if you haven't already blown your wad on the holiday blockbusters.

Up next we have Mad Money (Jan. 18), a female empowerment film disguised as a romantic comedy/heist movie. It stars Queen Latifah, Diane Keaton and Katie Holmes (nice of Tom to let her out of the house) as three members of the Federal Reserve cleaning crew, who get it into their heads to steal a fortune in old cash that is scheduled to be destroyed. Well, to start out with, let's just say that the vagaries of fate have already dealt this film a blow, given that 27 Dresses was just bumped back one week. These are the only two real female-led comedies of the month, and, sorry to say, this one has far less appeal.

It does look quirky enough to be mildly amusing, but this film will probably finish no higher than third on its opening weekend (lower if First Sunday really takes off), with an outside shot at one additional point the following weekend. User Ratings won't be stellar, and I doubt this film has much more than $25 million in its tank. I really wouldn't spend $12 on it for Ultimate Movie Moguls leagues, and the $9 that you'd shell out for it in Box Office Moguls is risky at best.

And now, we move to the final weekend in January, which features a rather crowded lineup for so early in the year. There's nothing with a lot of mass-market appeal, to be sure, and the one with the best chance for success, by far, is Rambo (Jan. 25). Yeah, yeah, I know what you're all saying: "It's been 19 years since the last installment of this series, why another one now?" Well, we all said the same thing about the release of Rocky Balboa just over a year ago, and lo, it opened to very good reviews, claiming $26.7 million on its opening weekend and $70.3 million overall, plus an impressive User Rating of 7.5.

For Sylvester Stallone, now age 61, it seems to be all about closure these days. But have no illusions: the uplifting underdog story that was the entire Rocky series had nearly double the charisma of Sly's other major protagonist. The trailer shows a semi-retired John Rambo living in Thailand, and he is called into combat once again when a group of Christian aid workers are taken prisoner by a faction of Burmese guerillas. Massive explosions, beheadings, gunplay, sweating and gratuitous grunting ensue.

Since Rocky Balboa ended that franchise exactly the way it should have, I'll give Stallone (who also directs) the benefit of the doubt on this one. I, for one, am hoping that he saves the day again, dying a glorious hero's death and sparing us any possibility of any more Rambo films. That I could live with, perhaps even enjoy. Given the relatively limp schedule this week, I think it has an excellent chance at a $20 million opening weekend, which should put it second (if it can nudge its way past 27 Dresses). Priced in the high teens in both leagues, this film might pay solid dividends, but be wary: the schedule for Feb. 1 is also quite crowded. I predict $45 million for its total take, and a User Rating in the low-to-mid 6s.

Spooky murder-dramas seem to be director Gregory Hoblit's stock in trade. In the last twelve years, he's given us the truly awesome Primal Fear, the decent Frequency, the fair-to-middling Fallen and Hart's War, and last spring's Fracture. And now, he's back with Untraceable (Jan. 25), where a team of FBI agents attempt to hunt down and capture a serial killer who tortures his victims live on the Internet, diabolically rigging the traps so that death comes faster as more people log on to watch.

If you recall, Fracture starred Anthony Hopkins and an up-and-coming Ryan Gosling. It was hampered by a mid-April release, however, and it underwhelmed at the ticket counters, bringing in only $39 million. Sadly, January is even less desirable than April as far a release months go, and Diane Lane, who has made a career out of doing B-grade soapy stuff (Must Love Dogs, Unfaithful, Under the Tuscan Sun) and drama-thrillers (Killshot, Murder at 1600, Knight Moves, The Glass House), is not popular enough to bring in large crowds. She's not Jodie Foster. She's not even Sandra Bullock.

She's still a lovely woman, and she's had brushes with greatness, but I just can't see anyone salivating over this film's opening. It has "Eh, I'll wait for it to come out one DVD" written all over it, frankly. Fantasy Moguls predicts it'll do two PTA points (uh, no), three Top 5 points (highly unlikely), score a 7.1 User Rating (can't really see it happening) and amass $40 million in total box office (no way in hell). I predict that it will top out around half that number, which makes its asking price of $15 (or $12) completely ridiculous.

And speaking of ridiculous, let's talk about Meet the Spartans (Jan. 25), which, sadly, is not a short film introducing us to the Michigan State athletic program, but the latest attempt by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer (who are responsible for bringing us such utter nonsense as Spy Hard, Date Movie, Epic Movie and the entire Scary Movie franchise) to scam filmgoers out of a few bucks by chopping up the plots and characters of scores of other recent movies, throwing them in a blender, and creating one big toxic, inedible slushie.

Let's run down the list of victimized films and personages that I've been able to glean from the poster and trailer: 300 (the primary target, complete with that movie's main characters), Stomp the Yard, Spider-Man 3, Shrek the Third, Ghost Rider, Happy Feet, Transformers and Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. (Lindsay Lohan has gotta be in there somewhere ...) I'd bet actual money that that's only the tip of the iceberg. Any takers?

Look, I've gone on and on recently about the present quality of spoof movies, and if that doesn't satisfy you, the mere presence of Carmen Electra and Kevin Sorbo in the cast of this movie should tell you all that you need to know. It won't be campy, it won't be kitschy, it won't even be ironically funny in that Ow! My Balls! kind of way. All it will do is waste 90 minutes of your life and 10 dollars that you could have used to buy a couple of really delicious sandwiches at Subway. (Note to Subway: Send me a check, I don't shill for free.)

That being said, for $2, it probably isn't the worst pick you could make. Epic Movie won its weekend at this exact point one year ago, and while I don't believe this film can compete with Rambo and Cloverfield, I'm sure it's still good for Comebacks-type numbers, around $15-20 million. And I hope you already know enough not to pick it in Ultimate (with the exception of the Razzie leagues), for this film be lucky to get the 4.7 User Rating that Fantasy Moguls has predicted.

Imagine my surprise when I checked the IMDb page for How She Move (Jan. 25) and found that this film already has a scant few votes attached to it, giving it a rating of 2.2. Is this movie even out? Anywhere? (Note from Shrykespeare's editor: How She Move was shown in the World Dramatic Competition at the Sundance Film Festival in 2007.) Or is it, I suspect, a case where people are voting for it without seeing it. Truly sad? Can anything be done about it? No? Another victim of the African-American movie curse. But I digress ...

One year ago, Stomp the Yard had a monster opening weekend ($25 million) and steamrolled its way to over $61 million in total receipts, its 4.0 rating notwithstanding. But I think this kind of gritty, street-smart uplifting ghetto-dance film is played out pretty well at this point: for proof, witness the dismal failure of Feel the Noise, which grossed only $5.7 million this past October (and got a 2.6 rating).

Your guess is as good as mine as to whether Move will succeed like Stomp or fall flat like Noise, but I am heavily leaning towards the latter. Lead actress Tre Armstrong, whose only film credits are Honey, Shall We Dance and Save the Last Dance 2, is not a known commodity, and that will translate to a lot of empty seats. For $4 in Ultimate (or $3 in Box Office), you can probably do better.

Props Department: Congratulations to ashkul88, who squeaked out a narrow victory over tuan69 in the October Ultimate Regulars league "Chasing the Statue." Way to go, sir! Kudos also to rising Box Office star annyonggob888, who trounced all comers in the just-completed October Box Office league "Red Carpet Crashers." winning by nearly $40 million over the nearest competition! Outstanding work! (Yours truly finished a lackluster 8th ... boy, it's been a tough winter.)

Well, that will wrap it up for me for another week. Please return next week when I will be busting down the door of February by chatting up four films scheduled for release on the first weekend of that month: Jessica Alba receives a corneal implant that allows her to see into the supernatural world in horror/thriller The Eye; Steve Zahn and Justin Long attempt to boost the ratings of their flagging animal-adventure show by venturing into some Strange Wilderness; Eva Longoria attempts to sabotage her ex-fiance's relationship with another woman despite the fact that she suffers the handicap of being, uh, dead, in Over Her (My?) Dead Body; and finally, the one-week-only release of the 3-D Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour, which will have every girl in the Universe between the ages of five and 17 bouncing off the walls.

TTFN!

Shrykespeare is, like, Rob's main dude. And, if you're reading this column, then you know more about it than he does. Ask him what the hell Brett Favre is doing here at shrykespeare42@gmail.com.