BARD'S EYE VIEW: Stiller's 'Thunder'-ing Herd Won't Get Much Competition from 'Star Wars: Boy George Is Bored'
by Shrykespeare
Hello once again, and welcome to the latest issue of Bard's Eye View, the place to come for advice on which films have the punch to add muscle to your Fantasy Moguls lineups, with fancy User Ratings footwork, PTA jabs, Top 5 right crosses and some serious Box Office uppercuts, and which films are just washed-up palookas. Tomato cans, if you will. Winning a league can seem like a three-month long prizefight, with you striving to outmaneuver your opponents by planning the best strategy. And if that fails, hell, you can always just bite their ear off. (Wink.)
This week brought the launch of the August-October leagues, which is truly a season that can best be described as "transitional." We are gradually moving out of the long, hot, high-dollar summer and making our way into fall, where films' expenditures are considerably lower but the end results are no less intriguing. One by one, we'll be seeing the release of films with serious critical clout making their way into theaters, the ones hoping to be earning little gold statuettes by springtime. What titles will be this year's No Country For Old Men? Or There Will Be Blood? For the answers to these and other questions, please stay tuned. Or, you can just e-mail Indie Jones at all hours, he won't mind. Much. (Grin.)
(Side Note: Speaking of Indie Jones ... I had to write this week's column rather hurriedly, as I've been under a bit of a time-crunch this past week, trying to get my new website up, and in doing so neglected to include Woody Allen's latest venture, Vicky Cristina Barcelona. However, Indie has graciously consented to take that title off my hands, partly because he hasn't had that many titles to talk about in the last few weeks, but mostly because he's just THAT kind of a guy. Thanks again, mon frere.)
But Oscar yammering is still a ways down the road. For now, I will talk about the films coming out on Aug. 15, which include a horror movie, an animated chapter of one of the most popular franchises of all time and what is likely to be the final nine-digit earner until at least October. That, of course, is Tropic Thunder, a venture that has just about every genre covered: comedy, drama, action film, war film, and spoof. Thunder was co-written by, directed by and stars comedian Ben Stiller, who misfired hugely in his previous outing, last October's disastrous The Heartbreak Kid.
This is Stiller's fourth major directorial project (after Reality Bites, The Cable Guy and Zoolander), and it is quite obviously the largest budget he's ever had to work with. He plays the role of Tug Speedman. Speedman thinks he's an "action star," per the Tropic Thunder trailer, but the rather amusing truth is that the character had exactly one big hit and followed it up with a string of ever-more-embarrassing bombs. Two of Stiller's close friends join him as Thunder's top draws, both of them coming off hugely successful projects: Jack Black (whose family-friendly Kung Fu Panda just crossed the $200 million plateau) and Robert Downey Jr. (whose dramatic career resuscitation was completed in Iron Man, which will almost certainly end up being the second-highest-grossing film of 2008). Owen Wilson was supposed to be in this film as well, but after his recent personal troubles, his role as smarmy agent was given to Matthew McConaughey. Tom Cruise also makes a much-buzzed cameo as a wealthy studio bigwig.
Black plays Jeff "Fats" Portnoy, a drug-addicted comedian whose style tends to favor gross-out humor. Downey plays Academy Award-winning Australian actor Kirk Lazarus, who undergoes what looks to be pigmentation injections so that he can play the film-within-the-film's African-American character. Okay ... that's an interesting (if controversial) twist. The movie that these characters are shooting, which is also called Tropic Thunder, takes place in the jungles of an unspecified Asian nation, and things start to go awry when the primary "actors" begin to butt heads. After the exasperated director (Steve Coogan) is told to get things moving or have the carpet yanked from underneath him, the screenwriter (Nick Nolte) suggests that they drop the cast (along with one cameraman) into an even deeper part of the jungle and go from there.
Of course, when the fully-into-character cast members are confronted by a group of local guerillas, the excrement really hits the fan. In similar fashion to developments in films such as Three Amigos or Mystery Men, the Thunder posse of completely unprepared "soldiers" must find a way to beat the bad guys and get out with their skins intact, while still making a really kick-ass movie. I have one friend who has already seen it, and he describes it thus: "It is a smart, well-acted comedy; over-the-top, sure, but the material is sharp. What's great is how it pokes fun at the film industry, divas and the importance placed on the Academy Awards. This is as good a comedy as you will find all year." High praise indeed.
Much like The Dark Knight a few weeks ago, Tropic Thunder is very well placed in the summer lineup. When you consider that the biggest films opening in the next few weeks are Death Race, The Longshots, The House Bunny, Babylon A.D., Traitor, Disaster Movie, Passengers and Bangkok Dangerous, none of which look all that scary on paper, this film could be a veritable fount for Box Office dollars and Top 5 points. It'll probably have a User Rating no lower than 7.3 or so, which is very respectable.
The drawback is that Tropic Thunder is expensive. VERY expensive. In July-September Ultimate Movie Moguls leagues, it was given the price tag of $44, which was six dollars MORE than Hancock and only $5 less than The Dark Knight. It would take considerably more than the $150 million in total take that Fantasy Moguls predicts in order for me to consider putting this film on my roster. In fact, even if it manages to scratch out $200 million (which is possible, but not likely), it still really wouldn't be worth it. Plus, it has to go toe-to-toe with Pineapple Express, which is aimed at almost exactly the same demographic, all the way through August. Apatow/Rogen vs. Stiller/Black/Downey Jr. ... now, that sounds like a prize-fight.
Last week, I predicted that Pineapple Express would be the No. 1 comedy of the summer, surpassing even the $150 million haul for Sex and the City. I still believe that it will, but taking into account the growing buzz and positive feedback that I have heard, I now believe that Tropic Thunder will be the biggest draw of August. I think that it will finish its run with around $185 million, a very respectable run indeed. But I still think that for the same chunk of change you'd fork over for this film, you could get better stats by picking Pineapple Express (or possibly The Mummy, which is starting to build up a real head of steam) and one or two other mid-level picks, such as Babylon A.D. (which is an absolute steal for $4). (UPDATE: In August-October Ultimate leagues, the price tag for Tropic Thunder has been knocked all the way down to $29. Get it. Get it now.)
It's been three years since the second Star Wars trilogy concluded with perhaps the series' darkest chapter ever, the box-office-shattering Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. Now, will everyone who's wondered just what the heck happened between Revenge of the Sith and Episode II: Attack of the Clones, specifically, the onset of the "Clone Wars," please stand up. Waiting ... Still waiting ... No one? Well, that's okay, the wait is over anyway, because here comes Star Wars: The Clone Wars, which fills in the gap between Sith and Clones, and in cartoon form, no less!
This is the first-ever production from Lucasfilm Animation, a division of Warner Bros. Pictures, but I'm not entirely sure just how big a role old King George took in the development of this film. It is being directed by Dave Filoni, whose only directorial credit thus for was for several episodes of the television cartoon Avatar: The Last Airbender, and the screenplay was written by Henry Gilroy, who has also written the scripts for many animation television series.
I have always been of the opinion that, prior to the release of Episode I: The Phantom Menace, the Star Wars saga represented the pinnacle of sci-fi/action. Experiencing all three films from the ages of eight to 14, there simply wasn't a cooler franchise over which to become a ravening fanboy. And though the second trilogy racked up over $1.1 billion dollars domestically in theaters, most Star Wars purists agreed that it was a significant step down in storytelling quality from the original trilogy.
What precisely prompted the greenlighting of this new film, I'm sure I'll never know. And to judge from the trailers I've seen, the animation, though extremely detailed, looks rough, disproportionate and ugly. Obviously, Pixar and DreamWorks have already racked up huge hits this summer, and Star Wars remains, to this day, the biggest merchandising franchise EVER, so why not extend the Star Wars universe just a little bit further?
For those hoping that they would get most or all of the original cast members to lend their voices to this project, sorry. Only Samuel L. Jackson (as Mace Windu), Christopher Lee (as Count Dooku) and Anthony Daniels (as C-3PO) are back, and the rest of the names are completely unfamiliar to me. That being said, will it be enjoyable, a worthy appendix to the juggernaut? I'm sure it'll bring at least some of the most die-hard fanatics in, as well as teens getting their last animated fix before school starts again. Beyond that, I don't think it'll do that much.
Can it make $100 million? I suppose anything is possible, but I seriously doubt that it'll get reviewed well enough to bring in that kind of dough. Like I said, it's not DreamWorks, Pixar, or an Ice Age movie, which is a considerable handicap to overcome. Fantasy Moguls predicts eight Top 5 points, four PTA, a rating of 7.1 and $75 million in box office, and yet STILL has the nerve to charge $25 for it in July Ultimate leagues. I mean, for REAL? $25? Pickings are pretty slim from this point on in the summer, but there is no way in hell that I'd spend a full quarter of my budget on this. $20 in Box Office is a little more reasonable, but even if Fantasy Moguls's numbers turned out to be 100 percent accurate, you could spend $19 on Babylon A.D. and Passengers and probably bring in $12 million more. I'd pass on this one, unless you think $120 million is possible. Which I don't, not in George's Universe or any other.
French-born director Alexandre Aja made his first splash in American cinema in 2005 with High Tension, which inspired reviews ranging from "truly outstanding" to "complete dreck." One year later, he brought the remake of The Hills Have Eyes to theaters, and that, too, brought in mixed reviews, though the ratio of good to bad was slightly more favorable this time. And now, he's back with Mirrors, a creepy-looking thriller that looks to be the final pure horror film on the docket for quite a while (unless you count The House Bunny or Disaster Movie, of course).
Mirrors marks the first appearance, of Kiefer Sutherland on screens of any size since the sixth season of the hit show 24 wrapped up in December of 2006. As many know from its well-publicized travails, the much-anticipated seventh season was postponed due to the writers strike along with many international complications that I won't go into, further muddied by Sutherland's recent DUI arrest. Still, it's good to see ol' Jack Bauer on the screen again. But I digress ...
If you're wondering whether this film is a remake of a previous Asian horror film, like all recent American horror films seem to be these days, the answer is: yep. Mirrors is the English translation to Geoul Sokeuro, a South Korean film directed by Sung-ho Kim that came out in 2003. It stars Sutherland as Ben Carson, an ex-cop now working as a mall security guard. He discovers, quite spookily, that he, his wife (Amy Smart) and his son (Cameron Boyce) seem to be the target of a powerfully evil force that is trying to enter this world through the mirrors in their home.
I found a red-band trailer for this film on YouTube, and really, apart from the graphically disturbing scene of Amy Smart pulling her face apart, I just don't know what this film brings to the table that hasn't been done and done again. The Grudge movies, the Ring movies, Pulse, Dark Water, One Missed Call, The Eye and Shutter have all brought similarly eerie, jump-out-at-you scares in the last five years, some successfully, but most, not so much. From what I've seen, I would definitely put Mirrors in the not-so-much category.
This film will only run you $4 in the July Ultimate leagues, for what Fantasy Moguls believes will net you a single Top 5 point, no PTA, a 5.3 User Rating and only $22 million. I, frankly, agree with every single one of those predictions. But looking down the list, why would you spend even that amount of money on it? Not to keep beating a dead horse, but again, Babylon A.D. will cost you exactly the same, and that one has an outside shot at WINNING its opening weekend, bringing in twice as much dough, and giving you an IMDb number that's at least a point higher. And if you don't believe that, there are plenty of other similarly-priced outings with just as much potential for similar or better stats, such as The Longshots, Bangkok Dangerous or Righteous Kill.
Well, that will do it for me for another week. Next week, I have a veritable plethora of releases to preview, as the weekend of Aug. 22 will bring SIX new wide-release films (including The Rocker, which I wrote about two weeks ago before it was summarily bumped back). They include an action/thriller (Death Race), an immigration drama (Crossing Over), a cutesy girl comedy (The House Bunny), another uplifting true-life sports story (The Longshots), and an animated film about nonhuman creatures in space, only this time, they're not chimps, but houseflies, in Fly Me to the Moon, coming at you in 3-D.
TTFN!
Shrykespeare wonders whether George Lucas realizes that Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill are still alive. I mean, if we're going to make cartoon Star Wars movies ... see what he's talking about here? Also, are we really supposed to believe that the Guy Who Played Jar-Jar Binks was too busy for a couple of days of VO on Clone Wars? Send your own thoughts to shrykespeare42@gmail.com.


Paula Patton plays Sutherland's wife in MIRRORS. Amy Smart is his sister. Also Aja said pretty much the only thing he took from the Korean movie was the basic concept of evil mirrors. If you'll notice the storylines for the 2 movies are completely different. I thought the NC-17 High Tension was awesome (even including the batshit stupid twist ending) and The Hills Have Eyes remake was clearly the best Horror remake of the recent remake trend. I admit if his name wasn't on this I probably wouldn't check it out, but I'll give it a shot. That Jaw-Rip is fantastic!
Posted by: BurtGummer | July 31, 2008 at 10:20 PM
You are most welcome mon frère (wink).
Personally I thought the red-band trailer for "Mirrors" to look quite awesome for an American horror movie. I'm curious to see it, I'd be surprised if Aja had made just another bland horror film, I'm sure it will be worth seeing. But I agree it won't make a splash at the BO
Posted by: Indie Jones | August 01, 2008 at 05:43 AM
Just caught the red band trailer for Mirrors...I agree it looks awesome. This could perform I think at least to the tune of 30 - 40 M. I cant wait to see Amy Smart rip her own head in half!
Posted by: aadams | August 01, 2008 at 11:51 AM
My predictions of who wins the next weekends:
1:
TDK
Mummy
2:
Pineapple
TDK (Almost too close to call)
3:
Tropic
Star Wars
4:
Tropic
Star Wars
5:
Tropic
Babylon (Close)
6:
Tropic
Passangers
7:
Tyler Perry
Tropic
8:
Lakeview
Tyley Perry
9:
Miracle
Nights
10:
Miracle
Beverly Hills(Close)
11:
House of Lies
City of Ember (Close)
12:
W
City of Ember
13:
Musical
Changeling
14:
Musical
Changeling
If you are looking for Top 5 power, there you go.
Posted by: Brett | August 01, 2008 at 03:42 PM
Keep this list handy, it will be interesting to see how close I get.
Posted by: Brett | August 01, 2008 at 03:43 PM
LOL
Tropic Thunder is going to have better legs then The Dark Knight?
LOL
Posted by: JackO | August 03, 2008 at 09:51 AM
Not necessarily better legs. Besides, they don't have to be -- look at the rest of the competition for August and September, as opposed to the much stronger stuff Dark Knight has crushed over the past couple weeks.
Also, Shryke, the last I heard, Fly Me to the Moon had been moved up to the 8th and then back to the 15th, but FM hasn't reflected any of that yet. Is it still on the 22nd as far as you know?
Posted by: dranscht | August 03, 2008 at 04:50 PM
Wow, Brett. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I think Tropic Thunder will be big, but 4 weeks at #1?
And if Changeling gets 2nd place it's opening week, then something is really wrong in the Fantaverse. Don't get me wrong, this one looks really good, and I can't wait to see it, but it is opening Limited it's first week and there is some horror franchise action opening on that week as well with Saw 5.
Posted by: synestro | August 03, 2008 at 06:50 PM
Yeah, I didn't have any theatre information going that far forward when I made my picks.
I don't think Tropic is going to smash any records, but I don't think there is any competition. Can you think of anything opening against it that can knock it off? I made a call four weeks ago that nothing takes down the bat before tropic comes out, but hopefully I'm wrong and Pineapple rocks hard.
Honestly, I think the worst part is that I think Tyler Perry is going to be the one to take out tropic.
Posted by: Brett | August 05, 2008 at 12:58 PM